"Dammit, Pastor Bill," Tom (not his real name) said, in a fit of anger, adding a couple of other colorful words before continuing, "…you have a way of twisting things so you end up getting things your own way." Of course there was more to it, but that sentence was like a fiery dart piercing my proud, yet anxious heart.
Another incident in my life a decade before, shortly after my conversion at age 22, had begun to open a door in that direction. Pastor John Nussbaum from Ohio had come to our home church in the fifties to conduct a series of youth meetings. On three successive evenings, he sounded one theme, "Young People, learn to deal honestly with God in your youth." "Young People, learn to deal honestly with God….," "Young People, learn…." Why was he so laboring the point, "Aren’t Christians naturally honest?" I asked. The years though have told their own story, this was only the intro. Now fast-forward a dozen years to our first story.
Not wanting to exacerbate an already hazardous situation, and realizing that safety might be a better alternative than valor, I wisely refrained from a response. "Aw, that’s just Tom," I thought, "he’s kind of an oddball anyhow." "He’s unmarried and has a collection of snakes and other reptiles right in his room, what does he know?" But as the dust settled, I realized that there was another side to him, a side that as a part of our church I really appreciated, a sincerity that was quite compelling. Then I began to think, Lord, what if he’s right? So I prayed. And in that way by which we know when our Lord speaks to us, I heard Him say, "Tom has done you a real favor. You will do well to apologize and keep that word stored in your heart and mind for future reference, so if, or should I say, ‘when,’ it surfaces again, you will know to ‘cease and desist’."
That rather unpleasant episode has sent me on a journey into honesty that has had amazing results. Not a very helpful, but at least comforting thought was, "…all men are liars." (Ps. 116:11) Now, when it says that, it is saying that in our fallenness, at best we all have a strong tendency to tilt reality in our favor. At our worst, we have a lifestyle spelled out in II Tim. 3:13, of "deceiving and being deceived."
Without realizing it, I was fast becoming a chronic liar. But, why? I came from a family where honesty was lauded. Well, let me give you a few reasons the years have brought my way. First, it is the easy way out of otherwise embarrassing situations. It seems to allow you to cover up failures and weaknesses with a few simple words, in short it is an attempt to change a painful reality you don’t want to face into a brighter picture. Secondly, it let’s you take shortcuts so you don’t have to pay full price in either honor, dollars, or labor, and you still seem to get the same results as if you did. Third, it promises you acceptance and esteem from people who really matter to you. Since the world admires people who are strong, handsome or beautiful, clever, funny, commanding, or wise, if we don’t feel we fit their pattern, we can always bluff it.
Lastly, and most deceiving. We think, "That if you knew what I’m really like, I’m afraid you wouldn’t like me." But like the devil’s and our culture’s lies, the opposite is true. People like us when we are refreshingly honest and have the freedom to laugh at ourselves. In fact, my closest confidants and I have our greatest laughs together when we laugh about the silly things we do and the fronts we put on to keep up appearances or to hide our weaknesses and failures. Now that’s God’s freedom, and a fringe benefit is that such honesty frees others as well. When my hands are tied behind my back, I’m not freeing anyone, but set me free and I’ll free others. After all, "…the one whom the Son shall set free shall be free indeed." John 8:36
The flip side is that our sins do find us out, and as they do, our credibility with others is terribly damaged, often beyond repair. And even if they don’t find us out right away, as in some cases, there’s always the fear they will. But beyond that, our spirits are never free as long as we are hiding something. I believe that God has given each of us a beautiful spirit (personality) which is capable of carrying so much by way of good news and blessing (as the messenger of the Lord), but sin, like static, keeps us from giving a clear signal.
I can’t express the freedom I feel when asked a question, the honest answer to which reveals a weakness or failure on my part, to give an honest answer. Of course, I am always tempted to run for cover at such times by quickly finding an acceptable excuse or alibi that would help me pass that crisis. But any momentary em-barrassment in being honest is easily eclipsed by the joy we feel in being free to answer honestly. For, while admission of our weakness or failure may show us in a bad light temporarily, our honesty shines as the noon-day sun. After all, "The blessing of the Lord makes one rich and doesn’t add any sorrow to it." Prov. 10:22
-Bill Stiemann
(Published in the CM&A May 2007
